I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
you never un-have a 4some
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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