Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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