The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
