i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
