you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Randomize
