Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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