So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
