You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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