I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
