loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
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I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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