i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
