What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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