no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
