I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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