ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
