He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
