Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
