I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
