How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Randomize
