Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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