I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
