Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Randomize
