I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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