i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
