Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Damn victory sex feels great
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
