I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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