When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Are we still banned from the library?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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