have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
