I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
