Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
