she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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