I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
