dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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