We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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