sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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