Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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