Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
