I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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