a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
