Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
