his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
