apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Randomize
