She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
