I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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