I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
