my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
