I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
