I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
