I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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