Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
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If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
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They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
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