My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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