i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
