I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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