i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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