how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
