I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
