I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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