you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
