Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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