i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
