New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Randomize
