As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
