HIV tests are more positive than that guy
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
