we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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