I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
