is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
