ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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